Just Another Day In October

It's shaping up to be another beautiful October evening in Boulder, CO. My apartment needs some straightening and vacuuming but otherwise has assumed its usual adjustable-chaos atmosphere. The dishwasher is pounding my pots and pans and plates and such fromt he past few days with quantitative amounts of hot, frothy, soapy water. My cat is out on the balcony, trying again--and as futilely as each time before--to communicate with the birds that crowd the bird feeder. I really think she's just eager for someone to talk to, but they know better, and scold her from their lofty perches. By all accounts, it's just another normal evening in Boulder.

Except my dad died two days ago. My father is dead. My friend, my ally, my hero, my first love, my supporter, my mentor, my coach, my dear old wonderful dad, is gone. The news is so big that it's utterly incomprehensible, although it hit me so hard at work today that I was sent home and spent the rest of the day in bed sleeping, avoiding the world, using "Nature's Prozac", as Jack calls substantial amounts of sleep, to my advantage. Phones rang. People went about their days. Mine stopped. It seems like mine has stopped a lot in the past couple of days, this fact that continually resides in the back of my mind--accept it Dondi your father is dead--is unaaceptable. I just don't fucking get it. I saw him three weeks ago and he was progressing, and now he's just gone. He's just gone. Accept it Dondi your father is dead...

I think for the time being, I'll head back to bed thoughm while I'm capable of thinking semi-rationally about this, hope that my father is in a better place now.

Rest in peace, William Richard Barrowclough, "Bill" to his friends and loved ones, "Dad" to his children, "Poppa" to his grandchildren. August 5, 1940 - October 7, 2007. When I get up the courage, or am maybe able to write on this for longer than a quarter of an hour without tears sliding down my cheeks, obscuring thoughts and vision, I'll write about how he became "Poppa". That's a neat story. For now...thanks for reading.

~Dondi